The Light that Lit the Darkness

She didn't like her mom,
for as long as she could remember.
Since she gave her a no,
for that something last December.

They sat at a table eating,
in glares they were competing,
the mother just resigned,
the daughter - angered mind.

Then darkness fell, and there wasn't a candle in the house.

They had a cluttered home, t'was impossible to move.

The daughter wanted her feelings,
dark as they were, to further blacken the air,
her mother thought of her little one,
sitting in the dark.

The daughter thought of all the things,
to scream at her mother's face,
but she could see it not,
for it was dark.

She realized she missed the sight,
and longed for it again,
if only to rage at, if only to cry,
"how can you not understand?"

She realized she felt the void,
of her target in her eyes,
she realized that all she wanted was a bond,
no matter what its guise.

All of a sudden she felt afraid of the dark.

In silence a hand took hers, and held it there,
and the daughter never felt so aware,
that what she felt was an angry love,
and tears fell on their clasp from her cheek above.

Finally, she closed her eyes,
she could see her mother so much better then,
the lights went on, but her eyes stayed shut,
and the tears washed away the dark within.

Developing Passions

All my life (thus far) I've wondered what I want to be good at; one obvious answer would always strike me - that I want to excel in whatever I do. Thats all good, we'd all love to be virtuosos in virtuosity. But I look around me, and I see limits (from what I've read, people call this growing up). We aren't exactly going to do everything and thus be great at everything, so what DO I want to be good at?

I'd sit down and wonder and ponder, becoming lethargic after a point - and become irritated at my lack of want of a specific (want of want, seriously). I envy people who know exactly what they want and set out to get it, thus becoming masters of their fields. In my case, I sometimes end up feeling happy because there are so many things to be good at, and get stuck with the - kid alone in the candy store+the man who got an egg and dreamed of a castle - syndrome.

What I have seen as, I now want more specific things, at least more specific than before. On one side of my age, us kids talk about being clueless so as to where to go, on the other side of my age, us adults reminisce about being in such a state of energetic youth when they were younger.

I don't mean even to say that I'm confused, merely rambling, detached. All I know is that, as an ultimate absolute, if you can take an easy breath in and tilt the corners of your lips upward (even if all of this is in your mind), your fine. There are so many material things to guide you on your way, so I just look up at the sky, and know whats going to make me smile. Its a lovely feeling of anticipation. I know now that photos of people with their arms stretched out in front of cliffs have captured not only current exaltation, but also future ecstasy.

I just love looking up, seeing it stretch across, seen by so many others. It feels so wide, just like the possibilities in a field and outside it.

Chocolacy

Doesn't that taste good?
More than good - damn - its great!
I need more of this,
who said truth was only bitter?

Makes me feel like a god,
in the midst of a deep bite,
makes me pose for a pic,
with a wide brown smile.

It makes me want to curl up in an orange coffee shop,
with heavy snow outside,
it makes others want to do a lot of things,
it governs, no questions, just thus.

So take a bite, a sip, a sniff,
and flash your own brown smile,
and conduct your own chocolacy with others -
it starts and ends all, so stay a while, and smile.

Ends of a Rod.

Life can be... mixed... at an international university. So many people from so many places, so many different cultures - all engaged in developing some aspect of themselves and of their surroundings. In the midst of so many, it is as easy to get completely lost as it is to find an interesting experience that will help you find yourself. I sometimes just loved to sit in the common room of my library, watching such a flux of humanity flow past me. Quite a chapter in permutations and combinations, I'd imagine my math professor to say...

Math class started, and I observed from the back bench as two stalwart scholars set out to answer all the outrageously tough questions the professor had put to us the other day. None of the remaining students, including me, had bothered to even raise their hands as the two tried to outdo each other with their increasingly brilliant and efficient solutions. I shook my head as I prepared myself for Physics, where the same thing was about to repeat itself.

Those two were in all my classes - I never found out their names, but I do remember that they looked so alike. The same height, roughly. The same rough coarse hair, the brown skin, seemingly soft features with sudden harsh contours. The same shaved upper lip (completed with a french beard below); I chuckled to myself thinking that they wouldn't appear out of place in any reputed software company.

I also noticed a certain animosity between them. They never spoke to each, never referred to the other by name. A common friend (just an acquaintance to them) mentioned that they were second generation Americans whose home countries had a few tensions between them. They looked so alike. They spoke in similar fashions, I'd heard them to laugh in exactly the same manner in reaction to the same joke. They even liked the same girl. Thank god they didn't know it, or else they would have seriously had something to fight over. They never worked together, and I think they resented each other for being so similar.

Two ends of rod, thats what they were. Two ends of an inflexible, metal rod - staring right out in opposite directions, despite being fundamentally the same. Imagine if they were elastic, they could actually meet. And gain some expertise on being the end of a rod. And still come back to their original positions. And there are so many people like them. I don't know what figure has those many ends, but I do know that all those people, all those ends, could meet to form a ring. Actually see each other. All it would take is a little bend.