Developing Passions

All my life (thus far) I've wondered what I want to be good at; one obvious answer would always strike me - that I want to excel in whatever I do. Thats all good, we'd all love to be virtuosos in virtuosity. But I look around me, and I see limits (from what I've read, people call this growing up). We aren't exactly going to do everything and thus be great at everything, so what DO I want to be good at?

I'd sit down and wonder and ponder, becoming lethargic after a point - and become irritated at my lack of want of a specific (want of want, seriously). I envy people who know exactly what they want and set out to get it, thus becoming masters of their fields. In my case, I sometimes end up feeling happy because there are so many things to be good at, and get stuck with the - kid alone in the candy store+the man who got an egg and dreamed of a castle - syndrome.

What I have seen as, I now want more specific things, at least more specific than before. On one side of my age, us kids talk about being clueless so as to where to go, on the other side of my age, us adults reminisce about being in such a state of energetic youth when they were younger.

I don't mean even to say that I'm confused, merely rambling, detached. All I know is that, as an ultimate absolute, if you can take an easy breath in and tilt the corners of your lips upward (even if all of this is in your mind), your fine. There are so many material things to guide you on your way, so I just look up at the sky, and know whats going to make me smile. Its a lovely feeling of anticipation. I know now that photos of people with their arms stretched out in front of cliffs have captured not only current exaltation, but also future ecstasy.

I just love looking up, seeing it stretch across, seen by so many others. It feels so wide, just like the possibilities in a field and outside it.